


Bad Choices Make Life Decisons.

by tobetheone



Category: British Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Breakup, Childhood Friends, Drug Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/M, Marriage, Pregnancy, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unplanned Wedding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-23 03:50:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6103867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobetheone/pseuds/tobetheone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lilian and Tom had grown up together. They dated and then he left. Now, 5 years later she is pregnant, he is a star and now stuck in a loveless marriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

One may ask, how do you end up unhappy on your wedding day? Well, it’s simple really. Bad choices lead to even more bad choices. Eventually those bad choices become lifelong decisions. Staring at myself in the full length mirror, I didn’t recognize the reflection staring back at me. 

She was all dolled up, and wearing a white flowy dress with her hair pinned up and make up done. She was distant from the world, she wasn’t lively.  Ten weeks ago I was single and free, hanging out with friends, going to parties, having a great time. Then he showed up, again. It was the first time I had seen him in five years. Thomas William Hiddleston, the suave, debonair actor famous for his role as Loki in  _Thor_ . We had known each other since we were kids. He was best friends with my twin brother, Jax, and would always hang out together before he was sent to boarding school. Then, one summer while he was visiting from boarding school, he kissed me. We were together for a long time before his career took over. It was all downhill from there.

All it took was ‘just one more drink’, then that one more became seven more. Then those seven more drinks became sex, and that sex made a baby. Ten weeks ago the man that had broken my heart five years ago came back into my life, and now I am stuck with him for the rest of my miserable life. 

“Lilian, are you ok in there?”

“Yes, I just need a minute, mum.” I called out to her.

“Alright, Darling. Thomas is waiting for you at the altar.” 

Just hearing his name is enough to make me nauseous. “I know he is; I just need a minute. I have to make sure I look perfect.” More like throw up. 

My parents don’t know about the baby, yet. The story they got was we had reunited, hit off, and decided to pick up where we left off. They were all for it and so excited to gain Tom as a son-in-law. Me, on the other hand, I was depressed. Twenty-eight and marrying a man just because we were stupid enough to have unprotected sex. Now I am faced with wondering if I will ever be happy again? I lower my veil over my face, grab my bouquet of flowers, and open the door with a wide smile.

“Oh, honey you look so beautiful. Tom is going to drop dead when he sees you.” 

_One can only hope, Mum, one can only hope._

“Thank you, Mum. We should probably get going, we’re already a tad bit late.” I grabbed my father’s elbow and was escorted to the church hall where Tom was to be was standing with a stupid grin on his face. It’s almost like he wants to be getting married. I took a deep breath and slowly released. 

_Here goes nothing._


	2. Chapter 2

There comes a point in someone’s life where all decisions have to come to resolution. An ending of some sorts. For me I always seem to make the wrong one. It was just over six months ago when Tom finally made his way back into my life. The same man who destroyed my life five years earlier. He wanted the fame and fortune, not a woman who was a total mess, so he walked away. No texts, no phone calls, nothing; just a kiss on the mouth and the soft whisper of an ‘I love you’, and yet, here we are. Me in a white dress, him in a tuxedo, friends and family surrounding us having a good time just you typical wedding. Tom has his arm around my waist and holding me close smiling to the people who are congratulating us. Occasionally he goes for a smile, a wink and a kiss just to keep the façade going. Inside I am screaming for the madness to stop, but on the outside I am all smiles. Suddenly I feel his hot breath against my ear.

“Come on, at least try to be happy.” He kissed the lower part of my ear and I blushed in response.

“If you’ll excuse me, I need to go use the restroom.”

His hand releases my side and I kiss his lips. How was that for trying, Mr. Hiddleston! I made my way back into the bridal suite and closed the door. I immediately go to the mirror and take a look. Nothing has changed. Still distant, and still just as miserable as before. All of a sudden I was hit with a wave of nausea. Rushing to the bathroom I heard someone opening the door. 

“Lilian?” 

Recognizing the voice of my now husband, I let loose. Retching into the toilet, I felt a comforting hand on my back as I vomited some more. Finally, I was through and flushed the toilet, grabbing the small bottle of mouth wash I had hidden in the bathroom.

“What do you want, Tom?”

“Would it kill you to try to pretend to be happy?” 

Spitting the wash out of my mouth I just looked at him.

“Are you fucking kidding me!? This was all of your idea in the damn first place! I wanted no part in it…”

“What else was I supposed to do Lilian!? Just go off and let life be?”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what you should have done!”

“And just leave you pregnant?” he asked. 

“Oh don’t act like you care about me, Thomas! Cut the shit. You were the one who left  _me_ , remember?!” 

He ran his fingers through his hair and growled, “How many fucking times do I have to say that I’m sorry! I didn’t know what to do or how to help!” 

There was a light knock on the door as my best friend, Jaqueline, slipped through and saw the predicament before her. She closed the door, locking it and sitting in the chair. 

“Do you mind? Can’t you see this is a private…” Tom started. 

“Conversation? Oh yeah but it won’t be so private anymore with you two screaming at each other.” 

He looked form Jackie to me, and threw his hands up in the air. 

“Now here is what is going to happen, the both of you are going to go out there and play the part like you love each other.” 

I went to interject but was stopped. 

“No, I don’t want to hear it, Lilian. Both of you made this mess, and now you have to deal with decisions you made. If you had just told your parents like I suggested, you wouldn’t be in this predicament.” She turned from me to Tom and just spoke everything that has been on her mind since the very beginning. “And you! If you weren’t so fucking pre-occupied with how your image looks we wouldn’t be here. You pushed her to get married. Had you just stayed away none of this would have happened!”

“I couldn’t just stay away!”

“Why!? Why the fuck not, Thomas? What was so hard for you to stay away?” I heard myself say and he just looked at me.

“Because I love you!” he shouted. 

“Well, you have a funny way of showing it.”

There was another knock on the door followed by a jiggle of the handle.

“Tom, mate.” It was his ‘brother from another mother’, Chris Hemsworth. “I know you’re excited that you’re married, but you have a honeymoon for a reason. Now, you and your beautiful bride need to get out here and cut the cake.” 

Tom was still staring at me.

“We’ll be right out. Just had a small malfunction.” I raised my eyebrow at him.

“Just hurry up.” You could hear his laugh going down the hallway.

“Lilian, I know this not the situation you want to be in, but it’s what you have. Now, just pretend for a little while longer.” Said Jackie

“You know what the worst part is?” I looked up at Jackie, who was already watching me. “The fact I have to convince the entire world that I love the man who shattered me.” I looked at Tom and saw a single tear roll down his cheek. “So let’s go and get this over with.” I opened the door and waited for him to join me. I hooked my arm on his elbow and entered the main room of the reception.


	3. Chapter 3

The reception was in full swing by the time we got to the toasts. First, the best man, though he wasn’t the best man I had always envisioned. I had always pictured Jax as his best man, and Jaqueline as my Maid of Honor, but sadly only one of those wishes came true. I didn’t hear a word Chris was saying, I was stuck in my own world. Then Jackie stood and made her speech.

“I’ve had the pleasure to know Lilian since we were in diapers. I remember the day Tom came home from boarding school. We were about ten years old, and I remember sitting with Lili on her bed waiting for him. We really just kind of twiddled around, watching  _I Love Lucy,_ and then we heard Jax yell, ‘He’s here!’”

Oh god not this story… any story but this one. 

“Lili got so excited she ran downstairs. Now, if any of you know Lili like I do, you know that running, or any physical activity, really, is not her strong suit. She was so excited to get to the bottom of the stairs that she missed a step and went flying down the rest of the way.”

My hand covered my face, and I turned beet red. This was not one of my finer moments in life.

“But amazingly, Tom was there to catch her. I never told her this, but that very day she looked at Tom and I could see she was completely enamored with him. Why do I say this? Well, because after that moment, she wouldn’t shut up about him until he officially asked her out on a date. And even  _now_ she can’t stop talking about him. To Tom and Lilian, may you always have hope and always find love in each other.”

Glasses were raised, and everyone agreed.  Jackie took her spot back next to me and leaned in to hug me. “Give him a chance,” she whispered before my dad stood up to make his toast.

“Hi, Pumpkin.” 

“Hi, Daddy.” I smiled. He was so excited and happy for me. After all, this what my parents had hoped for all along.

“Chris, Jaqueline, those were lovely speeches.  But as far as these two love birds go, there is only one story at this particular moment I can recall, and that was when they really discovered they liked each other. Do you remember the tree incident, Tom?” My father looked at Tom, who was already laughing at the memory. 

“How could I forget?” He looked at me lovingly. “It was spurred me to tell her how I truly felt.” 

The whole audience ‘aww-ed’ at his words, and he planted a brief kiss to my lips. 

“You see,” my father continued, “I have known Thomas since he was about eight years old. His family had moved next door to us. Lilian and her twin brother, Jax, were about three at the time. Jax met young Thomas first, and they were instantly friends. Jax and Lilian were inseparable, they did everything together, including waiting for Tom to come home for the summers.”

Tears started to form in my eyes at the mention of Jax, who we lost eight years earlier to a car accident. He was on his way to pick me up from night shift. Normally Tom would have picked me up but, on that particular night, he was on his way home himself from an audition. I was standing on the coroner, and it happened right before me. His light was green. Another driver ran the red light, killing him instantly. In a comforting gesture Tom handed me his pocket handkerchief and grasped my hand. 

“One particular summer, Jax and Lili were seventeen and Tom was about twenty-two or was it twenty-three?”

“I was twenty-three, sir. I had just one more year of RADA.”

“Right. Well, you see, we had this huge tree in our backyard, and the kids had built a small treehouse in it about five years prior. Sadly. we didn’t keep up with the maintenance. One day while Lili and Jax were waiting for Tom, one of the boards rotted through and she fell all the way down and hit her head on the ground. It was a good fifteen-foot drop to the ground. Tom had just arrived when he saw Lilian’s fall. She was unconscious, but breathing. He, and her brother, stayed by her side until she woke up three days later. 

“Now here we are, ten years later, and he is by her side. The only sadness I have about today is that your brother isn’t here to see it. He would have been proud to stand next you and see you in your beautiful dress, sharing this day we all knew would come. I love you, sweetheart. Thomas, I ask you to please watch over my little girl, and always stay by her side just as you did when she fell from the tree house.”

Tears were stinging my eyes, and I had never wanted my brother more than I did in that moment. 

“I will. I promise.” Tom held me close as I slowly started to unravel.

“Thank you. I am glad to now call you my son. To the bride and groom.”

Once the glasses were down, I excused myself and ran to the nearest empty room. I started to sob loud and hard. I slid down the wall and tried to hold myself together. I felt a small pair of arms around me and hushed whispers.

“It’s alright, I’m right here.” 

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I wanted this nightmare to end. I wanted things to be back to how they were. I wanted to be married to Tom because I wanted to be, not because of some obligation. I soon felt another pair of arms around me and I knew who it was. His arms were solid and comforting. His smell was recognizable anywhere. It was comforting and revolting all at once. I held onto him and I held onto him tight. Soon I felt my body being carried and before long I had cried myself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

When I had woken up it was morning. I looked beside me and saw Tom sleeping on top of the covers still in his suit attire; only his once white crisp shirt was untucked from his pants and the suspenders hung on a nearby chair. Moving the covers out of the way I realized I was still in my wedding dress. I got up, made my way to the en-suite restroom and my jaw dropped. It was beautiful with the rose petals and the oversized tub. It really was a nice suite that I would have loved to been able to spend my first night as a wife but under my current circumstance I’m glad I slept through it. I reached behind me to try to take my dress off but the damn thing was buttoned up the back and required help.

_Great just great._

Quietly I opened the door and saw Tom sitting on the bed. His head resting on his hands, he looked so defeated but so handsome. For twelve years I always imagined we would be married and having a family; then it all fell apart. I cleared my throat and he immediately looked up.

“I need help. I can’t quite reach the back. Would you mind?” I asked quietly 

He stood and I turned around and felt the buttons being undone one by one until finally the were done. I held up the front of the dress and turned around and he was a lot closer than I was expecting. He started to lean in to kiss me but then back away. 

“Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.”

Walking back into the bathroom I placed my dress aside, brushed my teeth and took out every pin that was in my hair. It felt so nice to have my hair free but the feeling of the hair spray that was in my hair was enough to drive me mad. So, I decided I just wanted to take a nice long hot shower and be fresh. I wrapped the towel around me and looked to the counter and realized I had forgot my clothes. Well, its not like he hasn’t seen my body before I mean I am carrying his child after all.

When I had made my way back into the bedroom there was no Tom but there was a dress and my undergarments sitting on the bed waiting, with a short note.

_Ordering room service_ _  
__-Tom_

When I had come out of the room He was in the sitting room on the couch reading the news post and still in his wedding attire. I sat next to him and we just sat there in uncomfortable silence.

“What happened last night?” I asked trying to break the ice.

“I wouldn’t know, I stayed with you last night. I received a text from Jackie letting me know she took care of the situation and that was that.” He answered while taking a sip of coffee. Before I had a chance to ask another question he stood up from the couch and looked at me. “I’m going to take a shower. Room service will be here in about 20 minutes.” Was all he said before he went into the bedroom and closed the door.

The rest of our day went pretty much the same. Little chats here and there but nothing much was really said. He would read his scripts and I would putter around and read pregnancy books. We were getting ready for bed and out of nowhere he speaks.

“Are we going to address the elephant in the room or are you just going to ignore me all night?”

“I’m ignoring you? You have said a grand total of ten sentences to me this whole day!”

“Yeah because you wouldn’t say anything. What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

I looked over at him gave a smile and walked into the en-suite bathroom and slammed the door.  

“Come on Lili don’t be like this. We can make this work I know we can.” Upon hearing his words I became angry and swung the door open.

“Oh so  _now_ you want to make it work! Nothing about me has changed, Tom! I still carry the same baggage I did as the day you left.”  I turned around and slammed the door back in his face and locked it. 

After about 20 minuets I walked out of the bathroom and Tom was laying in bed wearing his glasses while reading a script with his bare torso showing above the covers. He was always irresistible when he was in this state. Briefly he looked up from his script and made eye contact.

“Lilian.” He said sternly

“Thomas.” I said with as much sternness I could muster.

“We need to talk about this.”

I couldn’t help but give a sigh.

“Fine you want to talk lets talk. Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you leave, Tom? And don’t give me this bull shit excuse of you didn’t know how to help.”

“It’s the truth!” Before I could hear anymore I grabbed a pillow from the bed and walked to the sitting room of the suite. “Lil, where are you going?”

“The couch. I am not going to sleep in the same bed with someone who won’t tell me the truth.”

“I am telling you the truth!”

“No, Tom, you’re not.”

Just as I got to the doorway he gave a yell.

“I was scared!”

I turned around and saw his face tears threatening to come falling down his cheek.

“You were scared!? You were scared!? What about me, Thomas! I just lost my brother and you up and left!”

“I was scared of losing you. No matter what I did I couldn’t help you! I watched day by day as you drank your problems away snorted cocaine to get high. I watched you crumble before my eyes for a whole year, Lilian.” 

Tears now covered his face and mine started to come. Hearing his words took me back to the time when everything was great when everything was fine then the year Jax died it went from beautiful to disaster. I gave Tom a thorough look and my tears started to fall even faster as I saw the pain on his face become more and more.

“I tried to get you help but every time I did you got worse. I felt that with me around it just made you worse because I reminded you of Jax and I didn’t want to be the one to cause you more pain so I did what I felt was the right thing and that was to leave. I thought it would help. 

“When people told me what was going on with you I wanted to come back but I couldn’t do it. I felt that I needed to stay away and it took everything I had to stay away. So I did my movie thing got a couple of gigs here and there and then all of a sudden I blew up to be this huge star. I grew to be ok with not having you there, I longed for it, but I eventually grew into the idea it just wasn’t meant to be.

“But then I saw you. You were sitting in the little café we used to go to when we first started dating. Messy hair, chewing on a pencil, focused on your laptop screen and taking notes; you looked exquisite.”

I simply shook my head. “No, no you don’t get to do that.”

“Do what Lili?”

“You don’t get to just come in here and try to sway me with your words like you did last time!”, he took a step towards me and I took a step back.

“No! Don’t, don’t,” the tears started coming and he grabbed me closer to him. “You abandoned me you fucking asshole!” I was screaming at this point. “You left me when I needed you the most!” I banged my fist against his chest as he tried to hold me closer. Eventually I gave up and clung to him and sobbed. “I needed you and you left me.” I was incoherent as I sobbed even harder his hand brushing down my head trying to calm and comfort me all at once.  I never did make it to the couch but that night I held on to him scared that he was going to leave me once again. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, no good writer is ever complete without a great editor/friend. Mine is GranolaSuite. She is a fantastic writer. So, if you like this story please go read her stories they are truly amazing!

I was asleep. I knew I was. Still, it all felt so real. I was standing on the corner, waiting for Jax, when the car came out of nowhere. There was a deafening roar of metal, the soft thud of a body, and the smell of fuel as it crashed into his side. I ran. But, no matter how fast I ran, I could never reach the car. My body was heaving, crying, screaming out for my brother. I felt a hand on my shoulder, a shake, and my name being called. Slowly it grew from a faded whisper into a shout.

“Lilian. Lilian, wake up. It’s just a dream.”

My eyes snapped open. I was awake. Frightened, my breathing was sharp and shallow. With no other options for comfort, I reach out to Tom, gripped his arm, and sobbed. 

“Hey, now,” he whispered. “It’s alright, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you.” 

His fingers were threading through my hair, back and forth. Quickly at first, and then slower as my breathing returned to normal. 

“That’s it. Deep breaths, it’s alright.” His voice trailed off to a hum, a familiar tune. It was a song that he would sing to me as children, every time I was sad about his leaving. 

“Will you actually sing, Tom? Please.” 

Soon, his voice filled my ears. Soft and low, I was asleep again in no time. I didn’t wake again until morning, still in his arms. I always enjoyed waking up in his arms, they always made me feel so comfortable and safe. I shifted, and saw that he was still asleep. Gently, I tried to move his arm from around me, but he just held me tighter.

“No,” he said, his voice tired and croaky. 

I giggled at his insistence, but said, “Tom I have to use the restroom.” 

He groaned and released me. I padded my way to the restroom and didn’t bother to close the door. His mobile phone rang, and I heard Tom groan again as he rolled out of bed to answer it. 

“You better have a good reason as to why are you are calling me so early in the morning,” he said. 

Standing in front of the sink, I looked into the mirror and pawed at my face. I looked like an absolute wreck; my hair all over the place, bags under my eyes, smudged make-up, the works. Before I had a chance to fix myself, Tom came into the room.

“Nice hair,” he said, sarcastically. 

“You’re such an ass,” I answered, listening to a satisfied laugh, before I asked, “Who was that?”

“Who was who?”

My eyebrows disappeared up into my hairline as I glared at him, it was a look he knew only too well. “Stop with your fuckery, it’s way too early. Who was that on the phone.”  

He barked an even louder laugh. “It was Jackie.”

“What did she want?”

“She wanted to see how things were. She called me because and I quote, ‘I left her a billion messages but she hasn’t answered a single one!’,” he mimicked her and used his fingers as quotations. “I just told her we were doing fine and getting ready to go out for breakfast.”

“Oh, going out now are we?”

“Yes. I mean, unless there is something  _else_ you would like to do instead.” He waggled his eyebrows. For as long as I have known him, that ‘ _something else’_ was sex.

“No, Thomas. We are not having sex. That was how we got into this mess in the first place.”

“It’s not like we can get pregnant again. And besi-.” 

I crossed my arms and glared at him. 

“Alright no sex,” he conceded. “Anyways, there is a quaint little café that serves a good breakfast down the street. You should get ready.” He walked into the bedroom, shutting the door on his way out. 

It took twenty minutes, but my face was dolled up, bags were gone, and my hair was curled. I pulled a pair of jeans and a basic, white T-shirt from my suitcase. One final look in the full length mirror by the corner of the room, and I deemed it alright to leave the hotel. I found Tom waiting for me in the sitting room.

“Ready to go?” he asked. 

I nodded. He collected his wallet and we headed toward the little café. I expected there to be paparazzi on our walk, but I didn’t see any. Still, just in case we pretended to be the happy newlywed couple people expected. The cafe was filled with adorable old couples drinking their coffee and eating their breakfast. We were greeted by a perky hostess, her hair in a tight bun, and a uniform that hadn’t yet seen the messes of the day. 

“Table for two?” She smiled. 

“Yes please. Somewhere quiet, if possible,” Tom responded politely.

“Of course. Right this way.”

“After you, Love.” He gestured towards the waitress and let me walk past him. 

As time passed, waiting for our food, I was reminded of Tom’s words last night. _I felt that with me around it just made you worse because I reminded you of Jax_ , he’d said. 

“Why did you think that?” I asked breaking the silence of the table.

“Think what?” He frowned, unsure of where my question had come from. 

“Why did you think that you reminded me of Jax?”

He was still for a moment before he placed his hand on my face. I closed my eyes, relishing how his hand felt against my face. 

His voice was soft, quiet, when he said, “There was one day when you had almost overdosed on heroin. It was the second time in less than a month. I was holding you close to me, waiting for the ambulance, and you cried out to me. You called me Jax.”

“I don’t remember this…” And I didn’t. I honestly didn’t. 

“You wouldn’t because you had almost died in my arms. Before you blacked out you looked straight at me and said, ‘Jax, please tell Tom that I am sorry.’, and then nothing. You woke up four days later and had no memory of the whole thing. The only thing you remembered was just before…”

“We were at out at a pizza parlor. The same place we went to with Jax. You guys always got the exact same pizza and had the same favorite soda flavor. I started to cry and ran off…” I felt the sting of a tear as it splashed from my eyes. 

Tom wiped his own eyes. “Yes, that’s the day. There always seemed to be a pattern. You would use when I did something that Jax would do, or when we were doing something that reminded you of him. So, after the last overdose, I decided I should leave. And I did. It was the hardest decision of my life. I never wanted to leave you, especially like that, but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to be the source of your pain and end up losing you. ”

My tears fell faster, freer. The memory of that day, and waking up in the hospital, of missing four whole days. Being transferred to a rehab facility for five months, and then getting out to realize that Tom’s soft kiss and whispered goodbye would be the last time I thought I would ever see him. 

Tom’s mobile rang, interrupting us. 

“That would be Luke. We go home today,” he muttered, placing the phone back in his pocket. 

When his words finally registered that we were going home today, I felt a hollow pang in the pit of my stomach. Home is where most memories are held, and I hated to be there because of all the great memories that are held in that home. The first time I had accompanied Tom to a premiere, and Jax taking pictures as though it was prom night. Or the first time Jax brought a girlfriend over to have dinner with Tom and I before he introduced her to Mom and Dad. Home isn’t home without him there. 

“We leave in two hours. Then we have to pack and head to the airport tomorrow for a premiere,” Tom said, breaking my chain of thought. 

Well, at least we won’t be there that long. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kudos and the comments! It really means a lot to me that you all are liking the story. Please continue to show your support by commenting. It really encourages me to write more and take you on this adventure.


	6. Update

Hello all! I'm am so sorry for the ridiculously long wait for the new chapter. I was in a car wreak back in Nov. and totaled my precious Hiddles (My Prius). I am currently working 3 jobs and I'm a full time caregiver. The time that I was going to use to write was taken up by one of my clents getting the flu bug. I also may be having partial seziures but won't know much of anything until later. Again I am so sorry but I am working on a new chapter for your guys.


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